Quick, Funny Jokes!

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Yoga and Meditation Jokes

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Q: What did the yogi say when his student asked him what he wanted for his birthday?
A: I wish no gifts, only presence

Q: What did the Yogi say to the criminal?
A: You have the right to remain silent!

Q: Why didn't the yogi buy the vacuum cleaner?
A: It came with too many attachments!

Q: What did the yogi tell his restless student?
A: Don't just do something - Sit there!

Q: What did the yogi say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything!

Q: How did the yoga teacher accidentally kill his pet?
A: His karma ran over his dogma

Q. What did the sign in the window of the yoga master searching for a new disciple say?
A. Inquire within!

Q. Why did the yogi refuse anesthesia when having his wisdom teeth removed?
A. He wanted to transcend-dental-medication!

Q: What did the yogi say to his dog?
A: Nama, stay!

Q: How many Bikram teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to preheat the new bulb, one to screw it in and one to remind the light bulb changer to "Lockyourknees, Lockyourknees!"

Q: What does a dyslexic cow say?
A: Oooommmm

Q: What's the hardest yoga pose to master?
A: Corpse Pose. You only get it right once.

Q: What do you call women doing yoga in see through Lululemon pants?
A: Over-ex-posers

Q: What kind of yoga do you do in a casket?
A: Decom-pose

Q: What's the most romantic kind of yoga position a man can do?
A: Pro-pose

Q: What was the woman angry after her yoga class?
A: She was bent out of shape.

Q: What do you get when you combine Starbucks and a yoga class?
A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.

Q: What do Yoga meditation and an apple peeler have in common?
A: They both take you to the core.

Q: How many contemplative monks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb. One to not change the light bulb. One to neither change nor not change the light bulb

Q: What do Yoga meditation and a fudge cake have in common?
A: They each bring you a piece or peace of heaven.

Q: What did the cobra say to the downward facing dog?
A: I'm not a poser, you are.

Q: How many Iyengar students does it take to changes a light bulb?
A: Only one, but she'll need four blankets, a chair, six blocks, and two straps.

Q: Do you wanna join me for yoga class?
A: Namaste here. (Nah, I’mma stay here)

Knock knock! Who's there?
Yoga who?
Yoga to try this, it feels amazing!

Two yogis walked into a bar. The third one used it to deepen their practice.

My wife claims to be good at yoga, but I think she's a poser.

Your pants say yoga, but your butt says McDonalds.

Yoga pants with no butt, is like a wallet with no money.

Did you see the romantic comedy with Meg Ryan as a yogini? It’s called "Yoga mail"

After my first week of yoga classes, I'm still inflexible, but I've really improved my ability to hold in farts for long periods of time.

"She looks bad in yoga pants." said no man ever.

I tried yoga, but found it a bit of a stretch.

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