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"The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I’ll do the dishes.'"
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher."
"Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them."
"Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash."
"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards."
"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it."
"All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble."
"If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother."
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
"Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage."
"You don’t marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you."
"My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce."
"I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
"Marriage is getting to have a sleep over with your best friend, every single night of the week."
"In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced."
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