Quick, Funny Jokes!

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Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes

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Q: Why did the tofu cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken.

Q: What did one vegetarian say to the other vegetarian?
A: We have to stop meating like this.

Q: Why do people kill animals?
A: Fur convenience steak.

If two vegans are arguing, is it still called Beef?

Q: Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper?
A: He sold his soul to seitan!

Q: How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, but where do you get your protein!?

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because Colonel Sanders was chasing him.

Q: Why did the vegetarian cross the road?
A: Because she was protesting for the chicken, MAN!

Q: What do you call a vegan guy who likes to pleasure himself?
A: A non-dairy creamer

Q: What do you call a dumb omnivore?
A: A meathead!

Q: What do yo call a vegan post-punk band?
A: Soy Division.

Q: What do you call a fascist vegan?
A: Lactose intolerant.

Q: What is the Native American word for vegetarian?
A: Poor hunter!

Q: What does a vegan zombie eat?

Q: Why do vegans give good head?
A: Because they are used to eating nuts.

Q: Why are all lesbians vegetarian?
A: Because they don't eat meat.

Q: Did you hear about the vegan Zombie?
A: He went to the insane asylum and only ate the vegetables!

Q: Why does vegan cheese taste bad?
A: It hasn't been tested on mice.

Q: What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat?
A: Someone who lost their veg-inity!

Q: What kind of crackers do vegans refuse to eat?
A: Animal crackers

Q: What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: A Salad Shooter

Q: Why does the vegan never get any play?
A: Because he has really bad gas.

Can I tell you a vegan joke? I promise it won’t be cheesy.

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because he saw the salad, dressing.

Q: What did the lettuce say to the celery?
A: Are you stalking me?

Q: How do you know if someone is Vegan?
A: Don’t worry, they’ll tell you within the first 2 minutes of meeting them.

Q: What do Tofu And Dildos Have In Common?
A: They're Both Meat Substitutes!

Q: Why are vegans detrimental to the earth?
A: Because they produce immense amounts of methane.

Q: How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to stay in the dark!

Q: What's the best way to keep milk fresh?
A: Leave it in the cow!

Q: What does a cannibal do after he eats a vegetable?
A: He throws away the wheelchair!

Q: What is a carnivores favorite bumper sticker?
A: "I love animals. They taste so good."

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian!

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