Quick, Funny Jokes!

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Halloween Jokes About Ghosts, Vampires and Monsters

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Q: Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
A: It raises their spirits

Q: Who do monsters buy their cookies from?
A: The Ghoul Scouts

Q: What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A: A necktarine!

Q: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
A: Because they have bat breath

Q: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A: Bamboo

Q: What's a ghoul's favorite game?
A: Hide-and-ghost-seek

Q: What is a goblin's favorite cheese?
A: Monster-ella!

Q: What is a ghost's favorite dessert?
A: Booberry pie

Q: Why did the monster's mother knit him three socks?
A: She heard he grew another foot!

Q: What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it?
A: A hollow-weenie!

Q: What did the little ghost give his mom for Mother's Day?
A: A boo-quet of flowers.

Q: What do ghosts eat for supper?
A: Spooketi

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn’t have any guts!

Q: What's a monsters favorite desert?
A: I-Scream!

Q: How do you write a book about halloween?
A: With a ghostwriter

Q: What do you call a Halloween boner?
A: Petrified wood

Q: Which ghost is the best dancer?
A: The Boogie Man!

Q: What is Dracula's favorite circus act?
A: He always goes for the juggler!

Q: Why couldn't the ghost see its mom and dad?
A: Because they were trans-parents!

Q: What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula?
A: You join his fang club.

Q: What can you say about a horrible mummy joke?
A: It Sphinx!

Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them!

Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?
A: Because he had no BODY to go with.

Q: What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?
A: A sandwich!

Q: Where do ghosts play golf?
A: On a golf corpse

Q: What happened when Dracula met the werewolf?
A: They fought tooth and nail

Q: Why wasn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever lonely?
A: Because he was so good at making new friends.

Q: When a monster puts his tooth under his pillow, who comes to get it?
A: The tooth scary

Q: What do you call a monster who tells long, terrible stories?
A: A giant boar

Q: How did the giant snake find out he wasn’t poisonous?
A: He bit his tongue - and lived.

Q: What do witches put in their hair?
A: Scare Spray!

Thank goodness for Halloween. Now all the cob-webs in my house are considered decorations!

Q: Why did the invisible man look in the mirror?
A: To see if he wasn’t there.

Q: What side of a monster’s mouth has the sharpest teeth?
A: The inside

Q: Why was the monster pulling the rope?
A: Have you ever tried to push one?

Q: What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle and a ghost?
A: A cocker poodle boo.

Q: What does a skeleton say before dinner?
A: Bone appetit!

Q: When do monsters eat breakfast?
A: Never before moaning.

Q: Why didn’t the monster eat the comedian?
A: Because he tasted funny

Q: What position does a monster play in soccer?
A: Ghoul-ie

Q: Why was the monster lonely on halloween?
A: Because he missed his mummy

Q: What did the director say when he finished filming his mummy movie?
A: That’s a wrap!

Q: What is a monster’s favorite part of a joke?
A: The Punch line

Q: What do you call zombies with lots of kids?
A: Mom-sters

Q: What do you call Bigfoot in a telephone booth?
A: Stuck

Q: What would you get if you crossed Godzilla with a teacher?
A: You’d get the kids to pay attention in class.

Q: What does Dr. Frankenstein’s monster like for breakfast?
A: A big jolt of juice

Q: What time is it when a monster comes for dinner?
A: Time to leave

Q: What monster wears a mask and has a long, grey trunk?
A: The Ele-phantom of the Opera

Q: Why are some monsters so quiet?
A: Because silence is ghoul-den

Q: Q: What’s Dracula’s favorite comic book character?
A: Batman

Q: How do vampires stay healthy?
A: They take bite-amins

Q: Why did the monster eat the street lamp?
A: Because he wanted a light snack

Q: What do sea monsters eat?
A: Fish and ships

Q: Why did the monster eat people’s brains?
A: He wanted food for thought

Q: Where do monsters go to college?
A: At goon-iversities

Q: Why do zombies make such good gardeners?
A: Because they have green thumbs

Q: What’s the Abominable Snowman’s favorite game?
A: Freeze tag

Q: How do you make a green monster?
A: Cross a blue one with a yellow one.

Q: How do you contact an undersea monster?
A: You drop it a line.

Q: Why didn’t the giant snake use silverware?
A: Because he had a forked tongue.

Q: How do you keep Godzilla from smelling?
A: Plug his nose

Q: Why did King Kong climb to the top of the empire state building?
A: He was too big to use the elevator

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