Quick, Funny Jokes!

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Catholic Jokes

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Q: What do you call a Catholic service that is very, very important?
A: Critical Mass

Q: What kind of fun does a priest have?
A: Nun

Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A: A Roamin' Catholic!

Q: Why did the priest giggle?
A: Mass hysteria!

Q: What's a priest's favorite food?
A: Holy cheese

Q: Why don't nuns wear bras?
A: God supports everything

Q. Did you hear about all the drama down at the convent?
A. Well, it's nun of your business.

Q. How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They use candles

Q: Where is the best place to get a ice cream cone?
A: In a Sunday School

Q: How is a Catholic priest like a Christmas tree?
A: The balls are just for decoration.

Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
A: Virgin Mobile.

Q: What do you call Pope Benedict XVI after his last day?
A: Ex Benedict.

Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church?
A: Only half the congregation is kneeling

Q: Why don't you fart in church?
A: Because you have to sit in your pew.

Q: Why do nuns go everywhere in pairs?
A: To make sure the other nun gets none

Q: What's the difference between Adam and Eve and everyone else?
A: Parents

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and your father?
A: Your father never came back.

Q: What do you call a detective from the reformation?
A: Martin Sleuther

Q: What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A: A tran-sister.

Q: How do Bishops and Cardinals get to the Vatican?
A: On a pope-cycle.

Q: What is the definition of suspicion?
A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.

Q: How do you get rid of a nun's hiccups?
A: Tell her she's pregnant!

Q: Need an ark to save two of every animal?
A: I Noah guy.

Q: Does light have mass?
A: Of course not. It's not even Catholic!

Q: Did you know that Matt Damon is religious?
A: He's a BOURNE Again Christian!

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Italy?
A: They had the three wise guys, but they couldn't find a virgin.

Q: What is Jesus' favourite pop song of all time?
A: I can feel it in my fingers.

Q: What do you call it when Batman leaves church early?
A: Christian Bale

Q: Why can't Anglicans play chess?
A: Because they can't tell a Bishop from a Queen

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