Quick, Funny Jokes!

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Beer, Wine and Alcohol Jokes

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Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of Heineken instead of one.

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute and a bottle of wine?
A: The older a bottle of wine is, the more you have to pay for it

Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A: A Budweiser in each hand!

Q: Why was Tequila invented?
A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

Q: You know what's fun about being sober?
A: Nothing

Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka?
A: The Holy Spirit!

Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol?
A: Tequila Mockingbird

Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Johnny Walker?
A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Johnny Walker.

Q: Why does Corona go through your system so fast?
A: Because it does not have to stop to change color.

Q: Why are Men like coolers?
A: Load them with Budweiser, and you can take them anywhere!

Unlike milk, it's okay to cry over spilled wine!

Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him?
A: Nothing, he just let out a little wine.

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 80?
A: Four guys drinking Coors Light and watching a football game!

My girlfriend is a wine connoisseur. If it's not one thing she's whining about, it's something else.

Q: What does a shot of Tequila and a woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!

Q. Why did God invent Jameson whiskey?
A. So the Irish would never rule the world!

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