Q: Why can't Edward read Bella's mind?
A: There's nothing to read.
Q: How many Twihards does it take to screw on a light bulb?
A: I don't know, they're all too busy fighting over who gets to be Mrs Cullen
Q: What happened when Emmett Cullen stubbed his toe?
A: He made the whole city collapse!
Q: How do you stop Jacob Black from attacking you?
A: You pick up a stick, throw it and yell 'fetch'!
Q: Why is Edward cullen so pale?
A: There isn't any light in the closet
Q: Why aren't there real vampires living right now?
A: They all killed themselves after reading Twilight!
Q: How do you know that Bella has some issues?
A: She is constantly trying to romantically decide between bestiality and necrophilia!
Q: How do you permanently become dumber?
A: Put her in the same room as Stephanie Meyer, her books, and wait a minute!
Q: Why is Twilight like soccer?
A: They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its millions of fans insist you just don't understand!
Q: How do you know your dating Alice Cullen?
A: Your girlfriend can predict the shuffle on your iPod.
Q: What do you call a really long piece of crap?
Q: What do Edward Cullen and a Christmas tree have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.
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