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U.S. President Donald Trump Jokes

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Q: Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?
A: Discrimination

Q: What is Donald Trump really trying to do?
A: Make America Hate Again

Q: What is the Beach Boys song "Kokomo" about?
A: All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts

Q: What does Melania see in Donald Trump?
A: Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!

Q: Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?
A: For Hispanic attacks

Q: What happens when Donald Trump takes Viagra?
A: He grows taller

Q: If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes, who survives?
A: America

Q: What’s the difference between God and Donald Trump
A: God doesn’t think he’s Donald Trump

Q: What is Donald Trump’s favorite chewing gum?
A: Bigly Chew

Q: Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?
A: Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!

Q: How do you know the economy is only getting worse?
A: On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!

Q: Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?
A: Because he never pays his debts.

Q: How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?
A: Juan by Juan

Q: If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?
A: The Trump Card

Q: How do you make Halloween great again?
A: By carving a Trumpkin

Q: Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?
A: Because E.T. eventually went home!

Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.
Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.

Q: What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?
A: Snow White Supremacist

Q: Why did Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?
A: Because when he won, he moved into a smaller house in a black neighbourhood.

Q: Wanna hear a racist joke?
A: Donald Trump

Q: What’s 18 inches long and hangs in front of an assh*le?
A: Donald Trump’s tie

Q: What does Donald Trump’s wife call it when he takes viagra?
A: A rigged erection

Q: What do a thong and Donald Trump’s toupee have in common?
A: They both barely cover an assh*le

Q: Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?
A: Because all his other wives support Hilary

Q: How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?
A: By renaming it Trump University.

Q: What's the difference between Donald Trump and a sewage plant?
A: Nothing they're both full of crap!

El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive. I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.

Q: What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma if he is elected president?
A: Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!

Q: What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?
A: Hair Force One!

Q: How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?
A: Cause you’re the only one Hair

Q: What did Donald Trump tell the illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at his house?
A: No way Hose A

Q: Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?
A: Because she would have to move into a smaller house.

Q: Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?
A: Meat and Democrats!

Q: Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?
A: Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.

Q: What was the name of the first Elephant president?
A: Donald Trunk

Q: How do you know you're reading one of Donald Trumps books?
A: It starts on Chapter 11.

Q: How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?
A: By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events

Q: Why isn't it surprising that Donald Trump wants to be President of the United States?
A: Because it's not the first time he has pushed a black family out of their home!

Q: What is Donald Trump telling Barack Obama supporters?
A: Orange Is The New Black

Q: Now that Macy's has severed ties with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President elect?
A: By hunting and killing their own hair piece.

Donald Trump doesn't believe in gay marriage. He believes marriage is about a rich guy marrying a much younger model.

Q: What do you call a film about Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, and Joe Arpaio?
A: Three Ami-egos

Q: What do Donald Trump, Dale Earnhardt & Pink Floyd have in common?
A: The Wall!

Q: Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?
A: Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.

Q: Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?
A: Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.

Q: What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?
A: If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.

Q: What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?
A: Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.

Q: How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?
A: By relocating it to a casino!

Q: Have you seen the Clint Eastwood film about Donald Trump?
A: It's called "Billion Dollar Cry Baby".

Q: What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?
A: The back of his head.

Q: Why does Trump love the poorly educated?
A: Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".

Q: What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?
A: The League of Extraordinary Con Men.

Q: What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?
A: "Let me see your birth certificate".

Q: Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?
A: Because he has such huuuge fans!

Q: What does GOP stand for?
A: Grabs Our P*ssy.

Q: What does Trump have besides money?
A: A barber with a sense of humor.

Q: How does Donald Trump try to relate to the average man?
A: When Trump bangs a supermodel, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off.

Q: What did rural America tell Donald Trump?
A: You're Hired.

Q: Why don't black cats cross Trump's path?
A: Because they are afraid of p*ssy grabbers.

Q: Did you hear about the new Netflix series with Donald Trump?
A: It's called "Orange is the New Racist".

Q: What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?
A: "A complex world demands complex hair."

Q: What do Donald Trump and an adult film star have in common?
A: They are both experts at switching positions in front of a camera.

Q: What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?
A: He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed

Can I tell you a joke about the wall? Never mind you won't get over it!

"Nearly 70 percent of Americans said a Trump presidency would make them anxious. And 30 percent said a Trump presidency would make them Canadian."
- Conan O’Brien

"It is a little ironic that the Miss USA beauty pageant is overseen by one of the ugliest souls on the planet."
- John Oliver

"The closest Trump ever got to battle was his fight with Rosie O'Donnell."
- Jimmy Kimmel

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