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Redneck Jokes

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Q. How did the redneck die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What do you get when you have 21 rednecks in the same room?
A: A full set of teeth.

Q: How can you tell if a redneck is married?
A: There is tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.

Q: What do rednecks and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?
A: A Fire Cracker!

Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
A: Hey y'all... Watch this!

Q: Why did O.J. Simpson want to move the Tennessee?
A: Everyone there has the same DNA.

Q: Why did the Redneck highjack a plane and demand to be taken to Jeopardy
A: Because he was told that 1000 jobs were in Jeopardy.

Q: What does a redneck do when his dishwasher stops working?
A: Slap her on the butt and tell her to get back to work.

Q: How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
A: Anyone else would have called it a "teethbrush"

Q: How do you castrate a Redneck?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask a redneck!

Q: How did the redneck find the sheep in the tall grass?
A: Satisfying

Q: Why is it so hard to solve a Redneck Murder?
A: Because the DNA all matches and there are no dental records.

Q: How are a texas tornado and a tennessee divorce the same?
A: In both cases, somebody's gonna lose a trailer!

You might be a redneck if... there are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.

You might be a redneck if... you think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

You might be a redneck if... your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

You might be a redneck if... your home has more miles on it than your car.

You might be a redneck if... your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

You might be a redneck if... you own a Homemade fur coat.

You might be a redneck if... your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".

You might be a redneck if... your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.

You might be a redneck if... you own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.

You might be a redneck if... you think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

You might be a redneck if... you've ever stolen toilet paper.

You might be a redneck if... you've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately!

You might be a redneck if... you keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.

You might be a redneck if... you think the stock market has a fence around it.

You might be a redneck if... you have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

You might be a redneck if... you were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.

You might be a redneck if... the Salvation Army declined your mattress.

You might be a redneck if... you've totalled every car you've ever owned.

You might be a redneck if... you take a fishing pole into Sea World.

You might be a redneck if... you think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.

You might be a redneck if... you think the French Riviera is foreign car.

You might be a redneck if... you've ever barbequed Spam on the grill.

You might be a redneck if... you own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.

You might be a redneck if... you've ever bought a used cap.

You might be a redneck if... you reach for the can of Raid when you find out your computer program has bugs.

You might be a redneck if... you see the word Download, and think it refers to taking the shells out of your shotgun.

You might be a redneck if... you try to turn on your computer with the remote.

You might be a redneck if... you've ever put a six-pack in a casket right before they closed it.

You might be a redneck if... you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

You might be a redneck if... you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

You might be a redneck if... you just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

You might be a redneck if... you ever cut your grass and found a car.

You might be a redneck if... you read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

You might be a redneck if... you see a family reunion as a chance to meet "Ms. Right".

You might be a redneck if your daughter's Sweet 16 is sponsored by Budweiser.

You might be a redneck if...Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.

You might be a redneck if... you burn your yard rather than mow it.

You might be a redneck if... your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

You might be a redneck if... chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.

You might be a redneck if... you own a homemade fur coat.

You might be a redneck if... your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.

You might be a redneck if... your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.

You might be a redneck if... you think the stock market has a fence around it.

You might be a redneck if... birds are attracted to your beard.

You might be a redneck if... you’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

You might be a redneck if... you have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.

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