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Q: What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?
A: He decomposes.
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A: A Flat Major
Q: Why did Mozart kill his chickens?
A: Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"
Q: Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
A: He was playing by ear
Q: Why was the piano player arrested?
A: Because he got into treble with the cops
Q: What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A: A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four
Q: What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?
A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!
Q: Why are pirates great singers?
A: They can hit the high C's!
Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?
A: Root position cords.
Q: How do you get a cello player to play in tune?
A: Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.
Q: Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
A: In the piano!
Q: How do you make a band stand?
A: Take their chairs away!
Q: Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?
A: Terrorists have sympathizers
Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
A: Fo Drizzle!
Q: What concert costs 45 cents?
A: 50 cent featuring Nickelback
Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo.
Q: Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?
A: He was feeling a Lil Weezy
Q: How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?
A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof
Q: What's the first thing a musician says at work?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"
Q: What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
A: He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it
Q: How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"
Q: What do you call a musician with a college degree?
A: Night manager at McDonalds
Q: What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?
Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.
Q: What do clarinetists use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?
A: Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out
Q: What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?
A: Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.
Q: How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?
A: A Flat Miner
Q: What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?
A: You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna
Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed
Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer
Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
Q: How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?
A: Start with two million.
Q: What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?
A: You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.
Q: How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
Q: What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Q: Why did Bach have so many children?
A: He did not have a stop on his organ.
Q: How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?
A: He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.
Q: What makes music on your hair?
A: A head band!
Q: Why did the singer climb a ladder?
A: She wanted to reach the high notes!
Q: What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?
A: A Moo-sician!
Q: Why is slippery ice like music?
A: If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!
Q: What message did Bach have on his answering machine?
A: "This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."
Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?
A: Bach in the saddle again.
Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
A: Because he's Haydn.
Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A: A pair of Re-Bachs.
Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?
A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
Q: How can you tell is a singer is at your door?
A: They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar. "Sorry," the barman said, "We don't serve minors."
Q: How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
A: With a Tuba glue.
Q: What's the definition of a minor second?
A: Two flutes playing in unison.
Q: How do you make a cello sound beautiful?
A: Sell it and buy a violin
Q: What does new age music sound like played backwards?
A: New age music.
Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
A: You Poke her face.
Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?
A: Kitty Perry
Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
Q: What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?
A: A natural major.
Dubstep is to music what an Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
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