Q: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?
A: They were right for each other
Q: Why didn't the Romans find algebra very challenging?
A: Because X was always 10
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi
Q: Why couldn't the angle get a loan?
A: His parents wouldn't Cosine
Q: Why is beer never served at a math party?
A: Because you can't drink and derive.
Q: Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub?
A: Because he is 2 square
Q. Why was the math book sad?
A. Because it had so many problems.
Q: What is a bird's favorite type of math?
Q: What is a French mathematician's favorite pick up line?
A: "Voulez vous Cauchy avec moi?"
Q: Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
A: Because it was over 90 degrees
Q: Why do plants hate math?
A: Because it gives them square roots.
Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?
A: Prime Rib!
Q: What's the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?
A: A natural log cabin!
Q: What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?
A: A Tangent
Q: What do you call a snake after it drinks five cups of coffee?
A: A hyper boa
Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?
A: An Algorithm
Q: What do you call an angle that is adorable?
A: acute angle
Q: What do you call a destroyed angle?
A: A Rect-angle
Q: Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
A: It was a 'mean' thing to say!
Q: Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?
A: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them
Q: Why did the polynomial plant die?
A: Its roots were imaginary.
Q: Why does nobody talk to circles?
A: Because there is no point!
Q: What is a math teacher's favorite type of tree?
A: A "Geome-tree"
Q. What do you get if you cross a math teacher and a clock?
Q: What happened to the indeterminate form that got sick?
A: It had to go to L'Hospital
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Q: What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?
A: A high-pot-in-use
Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch?
A: They already 8!
Q: Why didn't Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
A: It was too cubed
Q: What did one Calculus book say to the other?
A: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!
Q: Which triangles are the coldest?
A: Ice-sosceles triangles
Q: Who invented the Round Table?
A: Sir Cumference
Q: Why is Ms. Radian such a good reporter?
A: She covers the story from every angle
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!
Q: Why didn't the chicken cross to the other side of the inequality?
A: It couldn't get past the boundary line
Q: How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?
A: By using a cod-ratic inequality
Q: What does the little mermaid wear?
A: An algae-bra
Q: What is the definition of a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation
Q: Why is the Rational Root Theorem so polite?
A: It minds its p's and q's
Q: What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Q: Why did the boy eat his math homework?
A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
Q: Have you heard the latest statistics joke?
Q: How do you know that your dentist studied algebra?
A: She said all that candy gave me exponential decay
Q: What do you call more than one L?
A: A Parallel
Q: Why didn't sin and tan go to the party?
A: Just cos
Q: What did the complementary angle say to the isosceles triangle?
A: Nice Legs
Q: What is polite and works for the phone company?
A: A deferential operator
Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
A: Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.
Q: What's nonorientable and lives in the sea?
A: Moebius Dick.
Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 7 8 9!
Q: What do you call a dead parrot?
Q. What's the king of the pencil case?
A. The ruler.
Q: What did the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt!
Q. What's the difference between a diameter and a radius?
A. A Radius
Q. What tool do you use in mathematics?
Q: How does a mathematician call his dog?
A: Cauchy, because it leaves a residue at every pole.
Q. What's purple and commutes?
A. An Abelian grape.
Q: What's yellow and imaginary?
A: The square-root of negative banana
Q: How do deaf mathematicians communicate?
A: They use sine language
Q: What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces?
A: Natural Logs
Q: Why was a student's rubber band pistol confiscated during algebra class?
A: It was considered a weapon of math disruption.
Q: How do you make one vanish?
A: Add a 'g' to the beginning and it's gone!
Q: Why shouldn't you argue with a decimal?
A: Decimals always have a point.
Q: What did the baby tree say when it looked in a mirror?
Q: How can you tell that a mathematician is extroverted?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at YOUR shoes instead of his shoes.
Q: How is an artificial christmas tree like the fourth root of -68?
A: Neither has real roots.
Q: What do you call a number that can't keep still?
A: A roamin' numeral.
Q: Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle?
A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!
Q: What does a mathematician do about constipation?
A: He works it out with a pencil
Q: What is the world's longest song?
A: "Aleph-naught Bottles of Beer on the Wall."
Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
A: "I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times…"
Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four
Q: What polygon is also a card trick?
Q: Why did the statistician drown while crossing a river?
A: It was 3 feet deep... on average
Q: What do you call it when a mathematician's parrot hasn't been fed?
A: Poly"no meal"
Q: How do you solve any equation?
A: Multiply both sides by zero.
Q: How does one insult a mathematician?
A: Tell them that their brain is smaller than any ε > 0
Q: What did 2 say to 4 after 2 beat him in a race?
A: I'm 2 Fast 4 U!
There are three kinds of people in the world - those who can count and those who can't.
Cakes are round, but Pi are square.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
Write the expression for the volume of a thick crust pizza with height "a" and radius "z".
Two random variables were talking in a bar. They thought they were being discrete but I heard their chatter continuously.
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X. She's never coming back, and don't ask Y.
Old mathematicians never die, they just lose some of their functions.
I strongly dislike the subject of math, however I am partial to fractions.
Zenophobia is the irrational fear of convergent sequences.
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
Classification of mathematical problems as linear and nonlinear is like classification of the Universe as bananas and non-bananas.
A circle is just a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
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