Quick, Funny Jokes!

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Marijuana, Weed, Cannabis Jokes

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Q: What did the stoner’s girlfriend say?
A: If I can't marry a dude, I’ll Mary Jane

Q: How do you know when you’re living with a true stoner?
A: When their bong gets washed more than the dishes.

Q: What do you call a potato that smokes weed?
A: A baked potato

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?
A: Han So-high

Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school?
A: Because they're all in HIGH school

Q: What do you call a pothead with two spliffs?
A: Double jointed.

Q. What do you call a family that grows Marijuana in their backyard?
A. A Joint Family

Q. What does marijuana and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
A. They both get smoked in bowls.

Q: What do you call one bowl between three tokers?
A: Malnutrition.

Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip?
A: Because pot holder was taken

Q: Did you hear about the kid that overdosed on weed?
A: Neither did I.

Q: What is a stoners idea of a balanced diet?
A: A joint in each hand!

Q: What do you call an apple pie getting high in McDonalds?
A: A baked apple pie.

Q: What do you call a bunch of mexican stoners?
A: Baked Beans

Q: What do get when you soak a spliff in Vodka?
A: The Holy Spirit!

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

Q: Why can’t you inject marijuana?
A: Because you’ll get a budclot!

Q: What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Screw it, we’ve got lighters.

Q: What did the paper say to the weed?
A: Let’s roll!

Q: What kind of car does a stoner drive?
A: A Blazer.

Q: What do you call a fly on marijuana?
A: A High Flyer.

Q: What do you get when you eat marijuana?
A: A pot belly.

Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?
A: A pot hole!

Q: How do you know your a pothead?
A: You studied five days for a urine test?

Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?
A: Drug Abuse.

Q: What do you call a stoner when horny?
A: A weed wacker!

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