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Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.
Q: How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
A: They both look good hanging from a tree.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
Q: What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.
Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 80?
A: Your Honor
Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners
Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement
There are two kinds of lawyers: those who know the law and those who know the judge.
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
A: Accountants know they're boring.
Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
A: A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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