Quick, Funny Jokes!

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Jewish Jokes

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Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward?
A: They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

Q: How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
A: He installs a parking meter on the roof.

Q: What does a Jewish pirate say?
A: Ahoy vey!

Q: Why do Jews have big noses?
A: Because the air is free.

Q: Why do Jewish men have to be circumcised?
A: Because a Jewish women wont touch anything unless it's 20% off

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry

Q: What's the definition of a queer Jew?
A: Someone that likes girls more than money.

Q: Did you hear about the Jewish troll?
A: His name was Rumpled Foreskin

Q: How does Moses make his coffee?
A: Hebrews it.

Q: What kind of cheese melts on a piece of matza to make a passover pizza?
A: Matzarello

Q: What do you call a Jewish kid in a hat?
A: Fedorable

Q: What do you call someone from Israel that has to sneeze?
A: A Jew

Q: In the Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human?
A: When it graduates from med school.

Q: What's the difference between four Christians and four Jews?
A: Fore-skins!

Q: In the Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human?
A: When it graduates from med school

Q: What do you call a Jewish knight?
A: Sir Cumsiced

Q: How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?
A: When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him

Q: Did you hear about the short-sighted mohel?
A: He got the sack

Q: Why did the jew soundproof his house?
A: So his kids couldn't hear the ice cream truck

Q: What Holiday does a Jewish car celebrate?
A: Honk-in-ka

Q: What aren't Jews in the Boy Scouts?
A: Their parents refuse to send them to a camp.

Q: Did you hear about the new facility Kraft Foods is building in Israel?
A: It's called "Cheeses of Nazareth.

Q: What is the proper blessing to recite before logging on to the Internet?
A: Modem anachnu loch

Q: What do you call the steaks ordered by ten Jewish men?
A: Fillet minyan

Q: Did you hear about the new jewish tire coming out this summer?
A: It not only stops you on a dime but it picks it up too.

Q: What do you call a potato that picks on Jews?
A: A dic-TATER

Q: Why don't people mug Jews on Yom Kippur?
A: Dey fast

Q: Why were gentiles invented?
A: Somebody has to pay retail

Q: What is the difference between a crucifixion and a circumcision?
A: In a crucifixion, they throw out the whole Jew.

Q: Did you hear about the new tires, Firestein?
A: They not only stop on a dime, they also pick it up!

Q: Why don't Jews trust Germans?
A: Because the first time they did nazi that coming.

Q: What is a jews least favourite hotdog topping?
A: Sauerkraut

Q: What would you call a bloodthirsty Jew on a rampage?
A: Genghis Cohen

Q: Would you believe the Flintstones were Jewish?
A: Yabba Dabba Jew!

Jewish people are the most optimistic people in the world. They have some cut off before they even know how big it will get.

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