Quick, Funny Jokes!

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Jewish Jokes

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Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward?
A: They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

Q: How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
A: He installs a parking meter on the roof.

Q: What does a Jewish pirate say?
A: Ahoy vey!

Q: Why do Jews have big noses?
A: Because the air is free.

Q: Why do Jewish men have to be circumcised?
A: Because a Jewish women wont touch anything unless it's 20% off

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry

Q: What's the definition of a queer Jew?
A: Someone that likes girls more than money.

Q: Did you hear about the Jewish troll?
A: His name was Rumpled Foreskin

Q: How does Moses make his coffee?
A: Hebrews it.

Q: What kind of cheese melts on a piece of matza to make a passover pizza?
A: Matzarello

Q: What do you call someone from Israel that has to sneeze?
A: A Jew

Q: In the Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human?
A: When it graduates from med school.

Q: Did you hear about the Jewish troll?
A: His name was Rumpled Foreskin

Q: In the Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human?
A: When it graduates from med school

Q: What do you call a Jewish knight?
A: Sir Cumsiced

Q: How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?
A: When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him

Q: Did you hear about the short-sighted mohel?
A: He got the sack

Q: Why did the jew soundproof his house?
A: So his kids couldn't hear the ice cream truck

Q: What do you call the steaks ordered by ten Jewish men?
A: Fillet minyan

Q: Did you hear about the new jewish tire coming out this summer?
A: It not only stops you on a dime but it picks it up too.

Jewish people are the most optimistic people in the world. They have some cut off before they even know how big it will get.

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