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Jazz Musician Jokes

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Q: What’s the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
A: The rock guitarist plays 3 chords for 1,000 people, the jazz guitarists plays 1,000 chords for 3 people!

Q: What is the difference between a bass and a cello?
A: A bass burns longer.

Q: A horn player and a guitarist travel by taxi to a jazz gig, but which of them is the professional musician?
A: The taxi driver.

Q: How can you tell when a bass player is knocking at your door?
A: It gets slower.

Q: What's the difference between a jazz musician and an extra large pizza?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: How does a jazz musician end up with a small fortune?
A: By starting with an even bigger fortune!

Q: What do you call a jazz musician without a girlfriend/boyfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead squirrel on the side of the road and a dead jazz musician?
A: The squirrel was on his way to a paying gig.

Q: How do you make a jazz guitarist play quieter?
A: Put a chart in front of him.

Q: Why do Jazz musicians stand in line at the bank?
A: No one knows.

Q: What kind of calendar does a jazz guitarist use for his gigs?
A: "Decade-At-A-Glance."

Q: What's the difference between a real estate agent and an accountant?
A: The accountant knows he is boring.

Q: How do you get a jazz musician off your front porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.

Q: How do you know who won the trumpet solo battle?
A: Whichever one played the highest and loudest.

Q: What would you have to do to make a jazz musician feel bad about their playing?
A: Absolutely nothing.

Q: What do you say to a jazz musician with a steady job?
A: I’ll have two Big Macs and a large order of fries, please!

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