Quick, Funny Jokes!

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Irish Jokes

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Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He's Dublin over with laughter!

Q: How do you blind an Irish woman?
A: You put a bottle of scotch in front of her.

Q: How does every Irish joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?
A: Liam Malone

Q: Whats the difference between a smart Irish man and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short

Q: Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral?
A: There's one less drunk.

Q: What do you call a big Irish spider?
A: Paddy long legs.

Q: Why did God invent whiskey?
A: So the Irish would never rule the world.

Q: What is black and blue and found floating up sidedown in the Irish sea?
A: Someone who's tells a stupid Irish joke

Q: What is Irish diplomacy?
A: It's the ability to tell a man to go to hell.

Q: What's the difference between Ireland and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

Q: What do you call an Irishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A: A Referee

Q: What do you call an Irishman covered in boils?
A: A leper-chaun

The Irish attempt at scaling Mount Everest was a valiant effort, but it failed: They ran out of scaffolding.

Q: What do you call two gay Irish men?
A: Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.

Q: What do you call a Irish man with a piece of glass behind both ears?
A: Paddy O'Doors.

Q: What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?
A: A rash of good luck.

Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Irish beauty contest?
A: Me neither.

Q: Why don't you iron 4-Leaf clovers?
A: Because you don't want to press your luck.

Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone?
A: A sham rock

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