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Harry Potter Jokes
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Q: Where do you find Dumbledore's Army?
A: Up his Sleevy

Q: What do you call a coughing Quidditch commentator?
A: A Weasley!

Q: What do you call a Hufflepuff with two brain cells?
A: Gifted

Q: Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?
A: They were following Draco, of course!

Q: Did you hear about the witch who won the lottery?
A: Yeah, she went completely Knuts!

Q: Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?
A: Because it was making him Moody

Q: What kind of cereal do they serve at Hogwarts?
A: Hufflepuffs

Q: What do Harry Potter and Charlie Brown have in common?
A: They're both in love with the little girl with red hair.

Q: Why did Death Eaters cross the road?
A: The Dark Lord ordered it

Q: Why do Slytherins cross the road twice?
A: Because they are doublecrossers

Q: Why did the Hufflepuff charm her hair blonde?
A: To look intelligent.

Q: Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road?
A: So you'll never know which side he's on

Q: How many centaurs does it take to light up a single wand?
A: Two... one to say the spell and the other to keep remarking how bright the wand is tonight

Q: How many Death Eaters does it take to stir a cauldron?
A: Just one. He puts his wand in the cauldron and the earth revolves around him

Q: How many Slytherins does it take to screw a light bulb
A: 5… 1 to screw the light bulb and 4 to say with their fathers connection at the ministry they could screw it faster

Q: How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - wizards don't use electricity!

Q: Why did Draco cross the road?
A: So he could swing his hips at Potter

Q: Why did the Dark Lord cross the road?
A: Because Potter couldn't stop him

Q: Why did Trevor cross the road?
A: To get away from Longbottom

Q: Did you hear about the Hufflepuff who gave his Kneazle a bath?
A: He is still trying to get the fur off his tongue You're so Muggle, you thought the floo network was on channel 54.

Q: How many Weasels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Weasels don't screw in a lightbulb. They screw in the Burrow.

Q: How many Slytherins does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to blackmail a Hufflepuff

Q: How many Hufflepuffs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: All of them

Q: Three girls are all first years: a Hufflepuff, a Ravenclaw, and a Slytherin... which is the sexiest?
A: The Hufflepuff, because she is seventeen.

Q: Why did Dumbledore cross the road?
A: He was following the poisoned lemon drops

Q: Why did the Weasel cross the road?
A: Somebody tossed a knut

Q: How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the room.

Q: Why did the Hufflepuff return his House tie?
A: It was too tight

Q: What do you get when you cross a Ravenclaw with the infirmary?
A: Ill-literacy

Q: What do you get when you cross Crookshanks with McGonagall
A: Really ugly kittens

Q: What do you get when you cross Sirius Black with Remus Lupin?
A: Really stupid puppies

Q: How many normal Seekers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but he gets a hundred and fifty points for it

Q: How many Keepers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They'll just suffer through in the darkness and angst about it

Q: How many Beaters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two… one to hit the bulb with his bat, the other to see what's going on, hit the first with his bat, and then change the lightbulb

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