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Q: At what time of day was Adam created?
A: A little before Eve.
Q: Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A: Because Noah was standing on the deck
Q. Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A. He only had two worms.
Q. Did Eve ever have a date with Adam?
A. No, just an apple.
Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A: Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet
Q: What do they call pastors in Germany?
A: German Shepherds
Q. Why couldn't Jonah trust the ocean?
A. Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
Q: What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian?
A: Someone who goes around knocking on doors for no apparent reason
Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson, because he brought the house down
Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A: Your mother ate us out of house and home!
Q: Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A: Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once
Q: Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A: The area around Jordan, because the banks were always overflowing
Q: Who was the first tennis player in the bible?
A: Joseph... he served in Pharaoh's court
Q: How can you tell if someone is half-Catholic and half-Jewish?
A: He never misses confession but always takes his lawyer
Q: Where is the first math problem mentioned in the bible?
A: When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.
Q: Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A: David, because he rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep
Q: How do groups of angels greet each other?
A: Halo, halo, halo.
Q: Who was the greatest male financier in the Bible?
A: Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q: What do we have that Adam never had?
Q. Where was Solomon's temple located?
A. On the side of his head.
Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A. It's Christmas, Eve!
Q. How does Moses make his coffee?
A. Hebrews it.
Q. How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
A. By his net income.
Q. How do you make Holy Water?
A. Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
Q. How long did Cain hate his brother?
A. As long as he was Abel.
Q. Why did God create man before woman?
A. Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Q. Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?
A. Because they were using “fowl” language.
Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus' time?
A: Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
Q: Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'?
A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!
Q: What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
A: Mule-tide greetings.
Q: Did you hear about the Dial-a-Prayer service they have for atheists now?
A: You dial the number and it rings and rings but nobody answers
Q. Who were Gumby's favorite Bible characters?
A. Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.
Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A. In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Q. Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
A. Abraham. He knew a Lot.
Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
Q. Who is the shortest person in the Bible?
A. Bildad the Shuhite (shoe-height). Nehimiah (Knee-high-miah) was a close second.
Q. How do we know that a lot of people in the Bible used fertilizer?
A. Because they always said, “Lettuce spray.” (Let us pray).
Q. What animal could Noah not trust?
Q. Which Bible Character is a locksmith?
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
Q. Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
A. He thought he saw a job.
Q. When was meat first mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Noah took Ham into the ark.
Q. What’s the best way to study the Bible?
A. You Luke into it.
Q. Where is medicine first mentioned in the Bible?
A. When God gave Moses two tablets.
Q. How do we know that cars are in the New Testament?
A. Because Jesus was a car-painter (carpenter)
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the fastest runner in the race?
A. Adam, because he was first in the human race.
God made us all perfect. He's just not done with most of us yet!!
The trouble with religion today is that a lot of people practice it, but not too many are good at it.
Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee? In the Bible it says,"He-brews".
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