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Blonde Jokes

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Q: Why did the Blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been sighted

Q: What do you call a blonde who never showers?
A: A dirty blonde

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'

Q: How are blondes like peanut-butter?
A: They spread for the bread.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of 40?
A: A blonde parade

Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
A: Penicillin

Q: What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes?
A: She sticks it in the microwave

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Put "please flip over" on both sides of a piece of paper!

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: What do blondes and dog poo have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
A: Because she kept throwing away all of the W's

Q: Why don't blondes talk while having sex?
A: Their moms told them NEVER to talk to strangers.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q: Where do you look for a blonde's obituary?
A: Under "Home Improvements"

Q: What do you call an unmarried blonde in a BMW?
A: Divorcee

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
A: To keep their ankles warm.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

Q: What does a blonde and a tornado have in common?
A: At first there's a lot of sucking and blowing and then you lose your house!

Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: They have to pull their own pants down.

Q: What does a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: You can put three fingers in both of them, throw them in the gutter, and they'll still come back for more.

Q: What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common?
A: They get laid all over the country.

Q: What’s every blonde’s dream in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and actually learn the alphabet.

Q: Why do blondes always want boob jobs?
A: Because it's the only job they are qualified for

Q: What do you get when you put two blondes in the freezer?
A: Frosted flakes

Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your fridge?
A: There's lipstick on the cucumbers

Q: How can you tell when a fax has been sent by a Blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it

Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman?
A: You have to hollow out the head

Q: How do you make a Blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear

Q: Why do Blondes have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First

Q: What do you call a Blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block

Q: What happens when a Blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a Blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader

Q: How did the Blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree

Q: What does a Blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on, It's off, It's on, It's off, It's on, It's off.

Q: Why don't Blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant

Q: Why is the Blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night

Q: How did the Blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her

Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q: Why did the Blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side

Q: Why did the Blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car

Q: How can you tell if a Blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: What are the worst six years in a Blonde's life?
A: Fifth Grade

Q: How did the Blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries

Q: What do you call a Blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: How did the blonde lawyer sway the judge?
A: She dropped her briefs

Q: Did you hear about the blonde football player?
A: She was an excellent wide receiver

Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
A: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?
A: She wanted a lot of male in her box.

Q: How do you get a blonde on the roof?
A: Tell her drinks are on the house

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt?
A: A brain tumor

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: Why does a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: What's a Blonde's favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply

Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew them both

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