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Biology Jokes

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Q: What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick?
A: Designer genes

Q: What do you call a microbiologist who has visited 30 different countries and speaks 6 languages?
A: A man of many cultures

Q: Why didn't the dendrochronologist get married?
A: All he ever dated was trees!

Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
A: Pull down its genes

Q: What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
A: The Nucleus

Q: How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?
A: An itsy bitsy book

Q: How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature?
A: Romeostasis

Q: What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe?
A: Ouch, Mitosis!

Q: What did the conservative biologist say?
A: The only cleavage I want to see is at the cellular level.

Q: Did you hear about the recycling triplets?
A: Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.

Q: What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics?
A: Woopea!

Q. What does DNA stand for?
A. National Dyslexics Association

Q: What is a paramecium?
A: Two latin mice

Q: What did the male stamen say to the female pistil?
A: I like your "style."

Q: Why are men sexier than women?
A: You can't spell sexy without 'xy'

Q: What do Biologists wear on their heads when playing Football?
A: Helminths

Q: Why couldn't the plants escape prison?
A: Their cells were surrounded by walls.

Q: What's do DNA helicase and perverts have in common?
A: They both want to unzip your genes

Q: What do you call a place of worship made out of amino acids?
A: A cysteine chapel!

Q: How do you know your dehydrated?
A: You can hear your red blood cells crenating

Q: What did the femur say to the patella?
A: I kneed you

Q: What washes up on beaches?
A: Nucleotides

Q: Where does a hippopotamus go to university?
A: Hippocampus

Q: What is the most reproductive area in South America?
A: Spermatagonia

Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Don't pay her

Q: What did the biologist couple name their twins?
A: One was Jessica and the other one was Control

Q: Do you want to hear a joke about Potassium?
A: K

Q: How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.

Q: How do you eat DNA-spaghetti?
A: With a replication fork.

Q: What do you call a faulty spirometer?
A: Expired!

Q: What do you call an oral hygiene product for the brain
A: Neural Crest

Q: Where do they send the criminal neurons?
A: To the chain ganglion.

Q: Why is there no Asprin in the jungle?
A: Because the parrots-eat-them-all.

Q: What do you get when the moon pulls on a can of Pepsi?
A: A Peptide

Q: What kind of notebook does a dendrochronologist use?
A: A tree-ring binder.

Q: How do you recognize a native American cell biologist?
A: He lives in ATP

Q: What's a pirate's favorite amino acid?
A: Arrrrrr-ginine.

Q: What is most commonly found in a cell?
A: A Criminal

Q: What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

Q: What is the study of real estate?
A: Homology

"When you breathe, you inspire, and when you do not breathe, you expire."

At the NIH (National Institute of Health), there is a sign on the door of a microbiology lab that reads "STAPH ONLY!"

Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you're talking nonsense!

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

A man accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose and discovered that he had no ill effect. Apparently he was ambidextrose.

The American Society of Otolaryngologists have a saying: "The way to a man's stomach is through his esophagus."

A bacteriologist is a man whose conversation always starts with the germ of an idea.

IAA is like Anakin Skywalker. It moves to the dark side.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The bad news is that the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Amoebas is shrinking. The good news is that none of the amoebas has lost any of their members.

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